Blink of an eye

Funny how things can change. Have you ever learned something that while you wish you never did, you are also so glad you found out?

I find it ironic that I set this blog up and was using it to talk about my great friends. My friends that I trusted and depended on for everything. And to learn that you have been betrayed by one, to find out that your friendship really meant nothing. It's quite a blow.

Losing a friend is a lot like losing a mate or spouse. You kind of go through the same emotions that you do when you have a break up. Anger, sadness, remorse, the "what-ifs". Then, you start the closure process. But how do you totally do that? How do you completely shut it out? How do stop caring about that person? Even when you are so hurt and angry? And how do you get over it when you have so many questions that will never be answered?

As humans, we all make mistakes in relationships. We don't always handle things the way we should. We get angry when we shouldn't. We get pissy. We overreact. But isn't that why you have friends? To know you have someone who will love you even when you do? Who is still there at the end of the day....who says "Yeah you were a bitch, but it's ok, I still love you, let's go get some ice cream". You never expect them to say that to you, while they are telling others how pathetic you are, how aggravating you are. How they don't really want to deal with you. That isn't a friend. That isn't someone who cares. That isn't someone who has your best interest at heart.

And it's really hard when you come to that realization. It makes it easier when others do at the same time and you can commiserate with one another. Help each other up. Say "we will get through it together". Those are friends. Those are the ones you cherish. And they are the ones that will help you close the chapter in your life.

Summer, 2009

Last summer sucked in a couple ways. My husband was gone on deployment, I was living in a house I hated.... I was MAD really mad.

But then, early in the year, my friends and I started hanging out on the weekends. We all have kids, so we would pack them up, shop for a weekends worth of food (and of course beer) and hang out all weekend. Most of the time, it was at my house. I had a split level, so we could throw the kids down in the family room with video games and movies and we would all hang out upstairs, or even better, in the backyard (aka the back 40). My backyard was huge. We joked that we could hide bodies and no one would know (me and my friends all have a list of people we would like to bury).

Now I know people are thinking "what could 4 women possibly do together all weekend?" I will tell you....NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. We sat in the backyard, drank our beer and talked. All night. And sometimes we sat there and we would look up, and all 4 of us were on our phones, texting. Sometimes even to each other. And we would do this starting Friday evening until Sunday afternoon. And it was great. Best time. I can't tell you how many times we would look up and say "this is awesome".

Then, there was the Best Day Ever.


It was the weekend of C's birthday. We had thrown her such a fun birthday, but she had a friend who was really pissed off about our girls' weekends. So, this friend decided to throw C her own party, but failed to invite M and I, well, until the last minute. Never to be an afterthought, M and I politely declined the invitation. So, starting Saturday evening, we hung out in the back 40. M and I made the kids hot dogs in the chimenea, plugged our cell phones, and the laptop up outside, and sat, in the same chairs ALL NIGHT LONG. And, then got up the next morning and sat again.... had our coffee out there, and sat. And sat.And sat. It was incredible! Probably one of the most relaxing weekends I have ever had.

TO this day, we still talk about the best day ever.

And honestly, these are the kinds of friends I have. We can sit and talk and talk and talk, and have the best conversations. Or we can sit and say nothing, and it's still the best.

Summer of 2009 was bittersweet. As much as I loved it, I know it will never happen again. Girls are moving away. I've moved out of that house I hated. We all have so much going on. I will treasure those weekends forever.

25 Things

25 Things about me:

1. I can't sleep in socks
2. I have to sleep with the TV on, but with the sound on mute
3. I have to reset the microwave after I use it. I can't leave the remianing cook time on the screen. I have gotten up in the middle of the night to cancel it.
4. I have been married twice
5. I have 5 children. 2 biologically, and three step children
6. My husband drives me nuts 67% of the time, but I love him
7. His smoking makes me angry
8. I was the one that proposed to him
9. My favorite colors are pink and orange.
10. I'm horribly girly.
11. I can change the oil and a tire on a car. I just choose not to. That's what husbands are for.
12. I will run screaming at the sight of a bug. I won't kill them. That's what children are for.
13. In the last few years, I have devloped some of the best friendships I have ever had. With the exception of one person that I have known for around 10 years, my core group is fairly new. I love them and depend on each and everyone of them.
14. I cuss like a sailor. Even in front of my kids
15. Maybe because I'm married to a retired sailor
16. I thought I would move back to Oklahoma, now I'm not so sure.
17. If I could have three wishes right now, they would be that we were more financially secure, we owned a house, and that my family could let go of the past and we all be close.
18. My mom has become one of my closest friends. I never thought that would happen
19. People always comment on how well I seem to handle things. That I seem to have it all together. They have no idea how much I'm falling apart inside the majority of the time.
20. This was going to be 25 things....but I can't think of anymore.